Dr. Gloria Lee
Clinical Director, Registered Psychologist #2502
Without Doing Anything
Most of us find that our mind is cluttered with busyness, work, and distractions. We’re constantly on the go, even when we’re not physically moving, our thoughts are elsewhere.
I was eating at a restaurant the other day. Looking around, I could see that most people were on their phones while waiting for their food while eating their food (especially if they were eating by themselves), and after paying their bill.
People were alone together.
We are a nation that is obsessed with our devices and unconscious about being in the present moment, which tragically results in missed moments of joy and connection because we aren’t paying attention.
Moreover, even when we’re by ourselves, we’re never quite alone because we have our best friend, our phone (or other devices of choice), hanging out with us 24/7. Such devices prevent us from enjoying solitude and replace true tranquillity with a quick hit of dopamine from social media or online shopping to relieve our loneliness. In other words…
Distractions help us avoid ourselves.
Ironically, the more we engage in mindlessly wasting time and being unconscious of authentic living, the more depressed, anxious, and lonely we become as people, which defeats the very purpose of the dopamine kick in the first place.
In fact, the National Library of Medicine (2022) found that the risk of depression increased by 13% for each hour increase in social media use. Bright Futures (2023) discovered that 40% of social media users reported feeling anxious or depressed after using it and 63% reported feeling lonely.
Now, the opposite is also true. That is, when we pause, slow down, and pay attention to the present moment, we develop a greater capacity for experiencing peace, calm, and joy.
This practice of “mindfulness” in Western psychology is a relatively new phenomenon. In the East, it’s been part of the cultural fabric for centuries.
Either way, it’s a beautiful practice that combines 3 essential elements to help you find immediate calm, peace, and joy. It also trains your mind to experience long-term patience, gratitude, and harmony. Here are the secret ingredients:
- Awareness: by calming your mind and focusing on the present moment, you’ll be able to enjoy the here and now, notice the wonders and joys of life that we typically take for granted, like sipping a hot cup of coffee while quietly watching the morning sunrise, tasting every savoury bite of a delicious home-cooked meal with your loved ones, or marvelling at the purity, innocence, and carefree nature of a child at play.
Awareness is the gateway to turn inward and listen deeply to our soul and that of another’s.
- Non-reaction: the reactive mind jumps to conclusions and is quick to judge and act. Our mind constantly shifts from past regrets to future worries. Non-reaction on the other hand, enables us to free ourselves from immediate and unconscious judgment. It allows us to be observers of the situation at hand, without the need to respond, simply by being curious about our thoughts and feelings, and noticing our projections and assumptions. Then gently reminding us to come back to the goodness of the present moment.
The more we practice non-reaction, the greater the liberation from self-imposed suffering.
- Boundless love: our society subconsciously practices scarcity. Scarcity is born out of fear, of not “enoughness”, and of selfish individualism. We are indoctrinated to look out for ourselves first, without realizing there is no self without others. But mindfulness brings us back to the mindset that there is abundant love for all. To live with this commitment, we then realize that when we give love, it creates more to go around, thus, we receive more in return. It is boundless.
Start with the commitment to no longer harm yourself with scarcity, and this will set you free to live your life truly wishing everyone well, including yourself.
These 3 qualities are inherent in all of us. The world just made us forget. But with a daily practice of mindfulness, we will realize the extraordinary potential in us to heal, to be whole, and to bring abundant life to all.
May you experience this peace, so you may be this peace in the world.
