Dr. Michael Mandrusiak
Registered Psychologist #1803
When Relaxing Feels Hard
What does enjoying your summer vacation have to do with elite tennis?
Let me explain. Paralympic medalist and psychologist Bonnie St. John coined the term micro-resilience, basing her approach to mental resilience on research findings by Dr. James Leohr.
Leohr was interested in trying to find out what made elite tennis players different from those who were “just” very good. What he found was that elite players engaged in a range of micro-behaviours that were designed to help them rest between sets.
For example, the elite players might hold their racket in their non-dominant hand to rest their hand or slow their heart rate with deep breaths.
St. John tells us that we can perform better and are more likely to meet our goals when we learn how to rest well. Your vacation is the perfect time to practice resting!
Why is it so hard to “turn off”?
Most of us probably want to relax when we go on vacation. After all, that is kind of the whole point, isn’t it? But do you ever go on vacation and feel nervous and on edge for the first several days?
Maybe thoughts of a couple of loose ends from work keep popping up in your mind and are hard to shake. Or maybe you feel an almost compulsive urge to check your work email just to make sure that everything is ok or to see if a response came in that you had been waiting on.
When relaxing feels unsafe
St. John explains that to rest and recharge, we first must turn off what she calls our ‘primitive alarm bells’. To perform in stressful environments, we become hypervigilant to potential threats.
For elite tennis players, the threat might be a high-velocity serve or a tricky spin. For many of us, the threat is the possibility of failing to meet the expectations of our boss, colleagues or clients (or selves!).
Our alarm bells keep us alert and help us to avoid pitfalls as we work. It can feel unsafe to turn our internal alarm off, even for vacation– after all, how will we, then we cannot fully rest. What a dilemma!
Resting well
Resting well requires us to recognize when we do not need our alarm bells and to disengage them temporarily to recharge. Most of us would probably agree that a vacation is as good a time as any to turn off the alarm bell.
But how do we do it? St. John recommends two methods in particular:
Deep diaphragmatic breathing – engage your abdomen and expand your belly with each deep, slow, gentle breath to begin to calm your nervous system.
Smells and bells – St. John recommends “high-jacking” positive emotion by smelling a scent with which you have positive emotional associations. In addition, any of your senses – sight, sound, smell, taste, or touch – can be used to help bring your awareness to the present moment.
Perhaps spend a few moments allowing your gaze to explore your new surroundings or close your eyes and listen to the sound of wind and chirping birds from the patio. If you are on vacation, the present moment is likely to be (and hopefully is) SAFE.
So if you are reading this before heading off on your next sweet summer vacation, I encourage you to take the opportunity to remind your body that it is safe for you to enjoy some well-deserved relaxation.
Skip checking the work email and opt for a nap, book, stroll, or cannonball into the pool. Happy vacation!
Reference
St. John, B., & Haines, A. P. (2017). Micro-resilience: minor shifts for major boost in focus, drive, and energy (First edition.). Center Street.
